Our first inclination, after finding our "jail bird" (the fireplace has a glass door- and our prisoner was making no effort to get out the way she came in) was to call animal control, and see what they would do - and after hearing that they wouldn't show up for less than $75 - we decided to undertake the mission solo, and began to plan "operation bird herd".

The tactical maneuver required extensive ground cover (sheets were placed over the couch and chairs to ward off any unexpected bombs from the flighty vermin) and then another sheet taped up to cover the opening between the living room and the dining room. Then, with the front door propped open, and armed with brooms and various other household items to fend off what was expected to be a furious and frantic escape, I opened the door to the fireplace.

The pigeon didn't move. She didn't even look nervous.

We were entirely caught off guard. The pigeon was cool.

So we quickly reconfigured our strategy, and decided that we would need to lure the pigeon (who we named Marge) to the front door with a trail of bread crumbs. So I quickly went to the kitchen, grabbed some bread, and laid out the trail to safety in bite-sized chunks.

Again, Marge couldn't be bothered. In fact, the bird even gave me a look like, "what? bread? please."

So then the operation took a risky turn on the offensive. Michelle and I were still on alert status, not knowing how Marge was going to react to our new plan. I picked up the fireplace shovel and poker, and gently prodded our happily incarcerated friend onto the flat part of the fireplace shovel. I guess this is what Marge wanted, a chauffeur driven shovel to escort her out. She happily stepped onto the waiting platform, and remained calm for the rest of the trip outside.

Once outside, she tipped her beak in thanks and took off.

I don't know what might have caused the pigeon to fall into the chimney in the first place, I would hate to think that she tripped, or that she just lost balance and fell. Birds don't do that do they? Trip? Lose balance? Upon further analysis, I'm sure we could come up with some awful story of ritual virgin sacrifice around the orifice of the chimney, and how it was just a farce stunt in the pigeon community to allow a poor girl to escape the clutches of an awful pre-arranged marriage. Who knows. I'll let Disney concoct that fable.

Anyway, i'm hoping that our good deed will save us from being the target of any aviary fecal deposits for a while.

-w